::Somehow talking to Tossgirl made me feel like I've got nothing while others have something or maybe in some special cases everything. All my life all I've ever had was this stupid mouth that doesn't stop moving or a brain that keeps asking all the questions that may be right but just out right makes people so annoyed at me. I know I'm supposed to not post any emo post but hey come on I need some place to rant and I ain't got no twitter.

Yeah I feel totally and utterly useless. Amanda says I've got a knack for English and yeah this I'm proud of, a hot girlfriend. But then when I ask myself why do I not feel useful I guess its that I can't help others solve their problems. I'm not a rich man neither am I exactly selfless(don't we all want to be like that). I have no talents other than the fact I like to write and people find my writing actually worth reading but that isn't a big deal people like Coffee and Clara can write so much better than I can that I can only be envious of what they have and what I don't. I'm not good in math or science like Yonghua and Vinodh( I wish I was). I'm not good in sports like all my male friends(frankly I wish I was), neither am I good in computer games like all those around me. Ok ok maybe I'm better than some in shooting games but c'mon how hard can it be to just point and shoot?

I sometimes wonder why don't I just pull the trigger and let my life end. I usually end up saying I want to do better but just fall straight into this all over again when I fail. Yes I have self-esteem issues. I admit the fact I need people to tell me that I am good in something otherwise I feel I'm horrible at everything. Yeah maybe my pride hides that but deep down inside I'm every bit as human as you and everyone else. There's nothing that makes me better than anybody else around me. I've always known that and resented that. Could be cause most people I meet treat me like a foreigner refusing to accept the truth that I'm just like them but I just think different. They think I bleed purple when I bleed red, they think I don't cry when I do, they think I'm smart when in truth I just work harder than everyone else just to be at an ok standard. I've always been stupid and dumb and weak and never been good at anything. I mean as a child people would call me stupid just cause I failed at simple things like algebra or maybe just cause I didn't agree with everyone else and decided that there could be other ways. I'd always be the weakest infront of everyone physically just cause I don't have the time to juggle both trying to be smart and strong at the same time.

I don't have musical talent at all too, all I can do is play a few notes and make a tune. If that's talent well then good for you. I'm sorry if I sound real mean right now but I'm just not in the mood to be actually polite right now in my head my minds screaming "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY THE FUCK IS IT THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME IN EVERY FUCKING THING AND THAT I CAN'T BE THE BEST AT ANYTHING. WHY DID I BOTHER TO TRY SO HARD IN THE END I END UP LOSING MYSELF TO EVERYONE AND END UP WITH NOTHING TRYING SO FUCKING GOD FUCKING HARD." There's a whole lot more but I started using some slang that might be deemed as racist and insulting so I've decided not to post it.

Ultimately like I've said all I can do is write a little and talk a lot. I can't actually do anything and I admit it. I'm not a very good human being, I'm pretty much good at nothing so yeah. Fuck you if you're feeling proud after reading this post cause well you probably have nothing to be proud of to. If you wanna say anything please say something to make me feel better or something constructive thanks!!! Cause otherwise I'm pretty much as destructive as a derranged sociopath can be and trust me I have a certificate to gurantee this claim and you don't want to be at the recieving end. Heck you probably won't even read this post anyways since most of you see a wall of text and decide it isn't worth reading. Too bad. Ciao and goodbye I might not show up tomorrow XD::

.:Fireport blogged on 8:59 PM:.
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