::I woke up this morning realizing that she means more to me than I've ever really thought she did. I mean seriously I woke up this morning asking myself what would I do if we really didn't work out or something like that, and the answer struck me on the head like some 1 ton anvil. It was "I do not know". Seriously I have no idea what I'd do and that scares me, it also means that I've really gone to the point of no return where it won't just be a usual emotional breakdown that I have when my girlfriends leave me and I'm really down but instead a total meltdown and maybe even shut down just so I can live with myself and justify myself with the reasons of what may or may not have happened. On what I did or did not do to keep it going. God, I think I'm really going crazy, I mean yeah I've said I might meltdown and shutdown before but I've never really went through with it cause I always tried to bounce back as fast as possible, but I think this time I might. I have no idea why but its like I know that I'd go totally insane if it doesn't go through. I'm so sorry to put so much pressure on you, it isn't what I'm trying to do but I really need to say it. Its really important and I hope you do take it seriously. Cause I have no idea how I'm gonna keep walking this road alone without you there.

And on another note HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANDICE!!!!
Your BBQ was a success yesterday and it was really really crazy and fun with all the STOMPers there. Hey even your brother was such a total muse to the point that everyone had fun. I thank you for the great time we had and happy 18th birthday.::

.:Fireport blogged on 6:50 AM:.
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