::Hi guys just to prove I'm alive and kicking I'm here posting. Yeah I know I felt super emo that day but I just felt so down and out. Looking at perfect people gives that to you, it really screws you up somehow XD. Then you realize that being perfect isn't good or easy. I only know that being imperfect is good since it gives me a reason to improve and stuff. My writing is improving with Insurgence and I hope I can move on with it. I hope my artist can cope with the action involved in the story and that I can truly bring out that wonderful story I have in my head. It takes two hands to clap and I want my writing to improve even more so I won't be overshadowed by the great artwork my artist may have install for me. So yeah thanks everyone for your support so far and do keep reading for more updates.::

.:Fireport blogged on 11:19 PM:.

::Hey people just updated my blog with a new song. Song 2 by Blur.

Yeah people I prefer classics compared to new crap, except Em cause well em's good!!! XD

This song would be more me than jazz music so yeah I'm loud and crazy like the song Hope you people enjoy.::

.:Fireport blogged on 1:27 PM:.
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::Somehow talking to Tossgirl made me feel like I've got nothing while others have something or maybe in some special cases everything. All my life all I've ever had was this stupid mouth that doesn't stop moving or a brain that keeps asking all the questions that may be right but just out right makes people so annoyed at me. I know I'm supposed to not post any emo post but hey come on I need some place to rant and I ain't got no twitter.

Yeah I feel totally and utterly useless. Amanda says I've got a knack for English and yeah this I'm proud of, a hot girlfriend. But then when I ask myself why do I not feel useful I guess its that I can't help others solve their problems. I'm not a rich man neither am I exactly selfless(don't we all want to be like that). I have no talents other than the fact I like to write and people find my writing actually worth reading but that isn't a big deal people like Coffee and Clara can write so much better than I can that I can only be envious of what they have and what I don't. I'm not good in math or science like Yonghua and Vinodh( I wish I was). I'm not good in sports like all my male friends(frankly I wish I was), neither am I good in computer games like all those around me. Ok ok maybe I'm better than some in shooting games but c'mon how hard can it be to just point and shoot?

I sometimes wonder why don't I just pull the trigger and let my life end. I usually end up saying I want to do better but just fall straight into this all over again when I fail. Yes I have self-esteem issues. I admit the fact I need people to tell me that I am good in something otherwise I feel I'm horrible at everything. Yeah maybe my pride hides that but deep down inside I'm every bit as human as you and everyone else. There's nothing that makes me better than anybody else around me. I've always known that and resented that. Could be cause most people I meet treat me like a foreigner refusing to accept the truth that I'm just like them but I just think different. They think I bleed purple when I bleed red, they think I don't cry when I do, they think I'm smart when in truth I just work harder than everyone else just to be at an ok standard. I've always been stupid and dumb and weak and never been good at anything. I mean as a child people would call me stupid just cause I failed at simple things like algebra or maybe just cause I didn't agree with everyone else and decided that there could be other ways. I'd always be the weakest infront of everyone physically just cause I don't have the time to juggle both trying to be smart and strong at the same time.

I don't have musical talent at all too, all I can do is play a few notes and make a tune. If that's talent well then good for you. I'm sorry if I sound real mean right now but I'm just not in the mood to be actually polite right now in my head my minds screaming "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY THE FUCK IS IT THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME IN EVERY FUCKING THING AND THAT I CAN'T BE THE BEST AT ANYTHING. WHY DID I BOTHER TO TRY SO HARD IN THE END I END UP LOSING MYSELF TO EVERYONE AND END UP WITH NOTHING TRYING SO FUCKING GOD FUCKING HARD." There's a whole lot more but I started using some slang that might be deemed as racist and insulting so I've decided not to post it.

Ultimately like I've said all I can do is write a little and talk a lot. I can't actually do anything and I admit it. I'm not a very good human being, I'm pretty much good at nothing so yeah. Fuck you if you're feeling proud after reading this post cause well you probably have nothing to be proud of to. If you wanna say anything please say something to make me feel better or something constructive thanks!!! Cause otherwise I'm pretty much as destructive as a derranged sociopath can be and trust me I have a certificate to gurantee this claim and you don't want to be at the recieving end. Heck you probably won't even read this post anyways since most of you see a wall of text and decide it isn't worth reading. Too bad. Ciao and goodbye I might not show up tomorrow XD::

.:Fireport blogged on 8:59 PM:.
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::Hey people I guess I haven't posted in a while I've been busy lately.

Recently on valentines day went out with Jols to watch Valkyrie and have lunch. Trust me its a good show. A lot of nice heroics and Tom Cruise is just sooooooo handsome. Its worth 10 bucks.

Afterwards we had coffee and we had to go do our separate stuff.
A few pics when we had Coffee XD



haha lol She had milk tea while I had coffee XD.

So anyways the following day I got my electric guitar which I shall show another time.

NOW GO AWAY AND SHOO!!!! I WANNA TOY WITH MY GUITAR!!!
(lil' j don't worry all the mean people are gone now)
*EVIL EYE*
XD just joking
Hope you liked this post ciao::

.:Fireport blogged on 9:04 PM:.
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::There really is hardly anything to post though, I'm thinking of starting a ranting blog for me to rant about stuff and such. Really really really tempted to do it. Maybe I'll go back to my original blog name in 2004, Rants of the ranting old chinese man. O.o XD
For those who remember it well good for you, yah younglings. And for those who forgot, too bad old rascals. XD

Well yeah I wanna do something more stable. This blog is totally starting to slow down. Nothing much to post or rather nothing I want to post. I have a lot of things to do which I'd rather keep private on a need to know basis so yeah.

I'll say more soon but till then I bid you all adieu.::

.:Fireport blogged on 6:52 AM:.
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::I woke up this morning realizing that she means more to me than I've ever really thought she did. I mean seriously I woke up this morning asking myself what would I do if we really didn't work out or something like that, and the answer struck me on the head like some 1 ton anvil. It was "I do not know". Seriously I have no idea what I'd do and that scares me, it also means that I've really gone to the point of no return where it won't just be a usual emotional breakdown that I have when my girlfriends leave me and I'm really down but instead a total meltdown and maybe even shut down just so I can live with myself and justify myself with the reasons of what may or may not have happened. On what I did or did not do to keep it going. God, I think I'm really going crazy, I mean yeah I've said I might meltdown and shutdown before but I've never really went through with it cause I always tried to bounce back as fast as possible, but I think this time I might. I have no idea why but its like I know that I'd go totally insane if it doesn't go through. I'm so sorry to put so much pressure on you, it isn't what I'm trying to do but I really need to say it. Its really important and I hope you do take it seriously. Cause I have no idea how I'm gonna keep walking this road alone without you there.

And on another note HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANDICE!!!!
Your BBQ was a success yesterday and it was really really crazy and fun with all the STOMPers there. Hey even your brother was such a total muse to the point that everyone had fun. I thank you for the great time we had and happy 18th birthday.::

.:Fireport blogged on 6:50 AM:.
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::I won't be doing any projects anytime soon due to my already packed schedule of WOW and other things. I have a lot of writing to do and I had better start now before people hound me for the scripts I'm suppose to produce.


I'm living the perfect life. I have a great girlfriend, I got into mass comm, I'm doing what I want and when I want. Life is so great!!!! haha


Well my life is going well and great. I think. Cause even so I have my fears. Even so I still have my insecurities and my nightmares which I face every night. Only occasionally when I'm so tired I don't have nightmares. But otherwise they keep coming like a current that doesn't stop. Don't get me started on my insecurities. I mean, life is so great there most likely there is something which I've got to pay right back to God or whoever is staging everything making my life so perfect. lol. Bahahah thats a problem for another day ciao.::

.:Fireport blogged on 11:59 PM:.
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