::I met this amazingly sweet girl 2 days ago I don't know her name but I know who she is and I'm not telling who. Talking to her really makes me feel comfortable and makes me feel at ease. Its almost amazing that she is a friend of a close friend of mine. lol In a way every time she says her heart beat is faster. I have this small sense of happiness in me lol. And every time she talks. Even when I heard her voice last night. My heart rate jumps too. I felt super afraid to say the wrong thing to her Especially last night on the phone. lol I even dreamt about her yesterday when I went to sleep. No details on that, but I'll tell her about it later. now even thinking about her gives me the butterflies hmmm whats this feeling now? has the glass started to fix together again?::
.:Fireport blogged on 1:36 PM:.
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.:Wednesday, May 28, 2008:.
::
Check out this video Its Ayumi Lee ( not related with Ayumi Hamasaki) With the song Cutie Honey You know compared to the Koda Kumi version This is sooooo slutty and techno ah beng like lah It totally spoil the jazzy mood of the song I mean ok the original Cutie Honey was like super cutesy and stuff But then this version takes away the jazzy touch to it and the korean language in this isn't really all that good
Then heres Koda Kumi's version for your viewing pleasure lol
Pardon the low quality its the best I could find from Youtube
Go and judge for yourself which is better and tag on my blog lol I'll update again tonight::
.:Fireport blogged on 4:01 PM:.
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.:Thursday, May 22, 2008:.
::"You'll Always Be A Part Of Me I'm part of you indefinitely Girl Can't You Know You Can't Escape Me Cause Darling You'll Always Be My Baby" Always Be My Baby - David Cook My new fave song from American Idol David Cook haha I mean its a nice song and I wished I could sing it for someone but theres no one yet haha I sorta lost a friend yesterday She totally stopped replying me I feel sad But I gained another friend I can slowly trust too I've always known her but then again I've always been afraid to talk to her Anyways I'm not going into details and I'm now like soooooo bored haiz My band name is "Pull To Flush" Here's the line up for now Lead/Rhythm: Me Lead/Rhythm or Drums: Alvin Female / Lead Vocals : Pram and the rest isn't here yet I want this band to work out for real I'll put my soul into it I hate it if people run away from this band haha Anyways thats all for now Jiana::
.:Fireport blogged on 5:36 PM:.
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.:Wednesday, May 21, 2008:.
::I feel Alone again Its like I want to be saved from this loneliness Yet its something I enjoy so much Cause it's supposed to be cool or something I hate this feeling Yet am so in love with it I can't stop longing for someone to share my burdens and my heart with Yet I choose not to do so Due to the sins that I have wrought I might deserve this loneliness And yet again I might not It seems that the whole world has semi-abandoned me in a corner And I need someone to fill up this space I don't want to be the Millionaire Playboy Genius that I plan to be I want to be the simple guy with a guitar All the girls love but will never get cause he found his love Its a blessing to be such A blessing I might never have I don't know I'm one step closer to the line Where I snap and choose to become colder I want someone to save me Who can save me... I don't want your pity I want a solution to this madness I don't want your sorrow I want a way out of this cave I know I'm selfish But I have to be for now I want to save myself from this loneliness Before it gets to me I hate being lonely....::
.:Fireport blogged on 9:25 PM:.
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.:Tuesday, May 20, 2008:.
::The whole day has been going well for me I have 1 new super close friend I have 1 old friend back to being a close friend I finished Dead To Rights in the middle of class I slept the whole day away in Mother Tongue I played Heroes of Might and Magic 3 With great succession I'm not in a super angsty mood ok ok I'm in a good mood today haha I decided to be less stressed out I also started to rekindle my interest into entering JC I don't know why but I always felt Mass Comm is like the place for me The place to be but suddenly All of a sudden it isn't anymore I feel its either JC or FSV for now haha I know I'm fickle minded but thats the type of person I am the only thing I'm not fickle in is the true qualities for the girlfriend I'm looking for Those never change haha Talk to you guys tomorrow jiana::
.:Fireport blogged on 8:39 PM:.
::OK ok I was like totally stressed yesterday? haha Now I'm feeling better Thanks for the concern Yah Peeps lol I gotta go school now G'bye::
.:Fireport blogged on 6:31 AM:.
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.:Monday, May 19, 2008:.
::I'm feeling out of sorts right now Don't know why I'm like posting for the third time today? thats like saying I have too much time on my hands garr I'm bored like siao I need someone to occupy me I need someone to talk to I need someone to be there RIGHT NOW I don't like this feeling the house is empty and I feel weak I hate weakness I want to grow stronger I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME GROW STRONGER Please I beg to anyone who can read this message of weakness this plea for salvation JUST HELP ME JUST HELP ME .... please::
.:Fireport blogged on 9:14 PM:.
::I WANNA CRY MY GUITAR STRING SNAP!!!! T.T MY BELOVED GUITAR STRING SNAPPED I WANNA CRY GRRR WHY AM I SO ANGSTY WHY CAN'T I CONTROL MY TEMPER ANYMORE IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME???? I WANT TO KNOW WHATS WRONG::
.:Fireport blogged on 9:02 PM:.
::Hey you know what? I'm kinda jealous of the people around me Not to wallow in self pity But its that I feel I always get the short end of the stick ya know? It might be my own doing but I still feel I'm helluva unlucky when it comes to love lol Those who I've sinned against have found a true and connecting love Those who have left me sad Have also found such things Its like everyone else around me is happy with someone haha Its good too but it leaves me lonely somehow I feel very lonely all of a sudden In the midst of all this joy around me Seeing my friends find their special ones I feel a sad pang of loneliness and despair I feel that I've lied to myself time and again in the past Wanting each girl to be the one I could stay with Without any regret or such Of course I don't regret being their boyfriend but I do regret the wrongs I've done Is it normal? I don't know I am a sinner and in this sinners body You can see the price I paid Provided I take of my shirt haha Which I won't till I get abs I hope I can reconnect with all of my ex-girlfriends Become good friends with them and maybe just maybe If they let me Atone for my sins In this sense Sin is not something against God But something I did that was against my own set of principles I hate myself for that But it is a price I have to pay I think its time I paid my master a visit. Maybe? I'm not sure Its been 3 years since I've seen him or bothered to visit He might kill me but heck I don't really care I might visit him Provided I remember to But then again I might not He told me to find love and find strength in it before returning I haven't really found either I only found a lot of wrong turns lol And heck its not I lost faith in love Its that I don't think I'm worthy of it With what i have done So until a girl can accept me for all my sins I think I'll be single till then Or rather I won't fall in love till I can find a girl who could Of course I'd still fancy girls and turn to putty in their hands as usual but still It doesn't mean I love them I have a feeling The girl I might really fall for I'd catch her with a glass of red wine in her hands or a game controller either way haha It still works heck enough of this post lol You must be bored Go do something with your life haha Shoo Come back tomorrow I'll post again tomorrow::
.:Fireport blogged on 6:02 PM:.
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.:Wednesday, May 14, 2008:.
::I apologize for Azereal's Intrustion into my blog lol Ok I didn't do well for my exams but doesn't that mean I have to study? haha maybe I don't know i might lol 24 is a high number But no effort was put in I wonder if I did put in effort haha Post more later I'm lazy::
.:Fireport blogged on 3:04 PM:.
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.:Sunday, May 11, 2008:.
::Enough with the Emo Crap "edward" I'm sick of what you are doing to us Yes I'm in control of you while you fall asleep on the table I'm sick of what you think hurts I don't care anymore about what you think I will take full control of you if you continue to do this to us I won't hesitate And even though this is my first public appearance It won't be my last if you continue you weakling I will make sure you become strong for yourself And I assure you Even it meant betraying everything you hold dear I will make you stronger than you are now Whether you like it or not I don't care about what you think about it Be warned Edward I've spoken and I mean it...
- Azereal::
.:Fireport blogged on 10:54 PM:.
::Well I've got nothing much to post today other than simple ramblings hahahaha lol I sometimes wish that things could be simpler that you know Just wanting to do something Would be without any unwanted consequences But that doesn't seem to be the case for me I mean there was one thing I wanted to do but I can't do it anymore Nevermind I'll get over it sooner or later But I think it will be sooner than later Its not that I want to forget but its that Its a part of me to do such a thing To forget the difficult and sad things and only remember the easy and simple things Its my own protection system I don't know why but it is I can't think of anything else to say I'm at a loss of words All I see now is the void in front of me And its time to walk into it and try to come out alive I'm sick of this darkness I will walk out of it soon Either alone with friends or with a girlfriend I don't care I will walk out of it And emerge as someone else Someone who can do a better job than I can now As for then I'll leave it for that cya all tomorrow::
.:Fireport blogged on 10:43 PM:.
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.:Saturday, May 10, 2008:.
::lol Well guess who's the girl? I'm not telling But she reads my blog hahaa Anyways Its like Even if you don't believe in love I do but still Of course I have my doubts about it haha And seeing my cousin today with his long term steady girlfriend really made me feel Love can exist Its just that its not time for me yet I guess haha Of course thats cause I'm single now lol Love what is love? I don't know I want to know haha But to me love is Sacrificing the smaller things for others Cause the smaller things are much more important than the bigger things in life Giving hope to those who need it Cause without hope most people can't survive Proving love exist without knowing what it is Cause without love we won't exist I will prove to her That love does exist Even if it meant I had to die to do it then I guess I will but I'm not sure how heck No point trying to brainstorm when I'm dead tired I'll find a way even if I don't have one now I'm definitely going to try and try again Till I fail I'll pick myself up and go at it again I know I've said this a lot of times Most of you don't believe it But I don't care what you think I meant it every time And every time I wasn't able to succeed cause of my own weakness But this time I will make sure I succeed Cause I feel that people should live with love in their lives Knowing that there's someone out there for them and for that girl I don't care if I do get her not anymore Even if I have to be a tool To get the one she likes to have her I'll be that tool Sure I'd feel sad But heck at least she's happy right Isn't that what love is about? haha Cya guys tomorrow and Thanks Ka-san for giving me advice I'll keep it close to heart::
.:Fireport blogged on 10:46 PM:.
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.:Friday, May 09, 2008:.
::I wonder if its possible to get someone to believe in love haha I really do Don't ask why but I feel theres a need to find out haha When I asked my pastor friend about love He told me it exist in every little bit of existence That everything is a part of God's Love but then I told him What If I can't seem to have faith in it Then he asked me if it was about romance I told him yeah He told me If its a person who is close to you And he or she doesn't believe in such Show them what love means to you And slowly With the greatest amount of patience you have You can slowly let them know what love is I have to thank My friend Pastor David for that advice haha Don't ask how I know him and no he is not from COS So now To all my friends who don't believe in love I will show you what love means to me Love for the girl I have in my heart Love for my friends who I want to protect Love for all my God Family who I will always care for Love for all the people who has brought joy in my life Love for my family who I care for and respect I will show it all And even if it means my life will be spent On saving a life of those who are in this list I will use my life in exchange for theirs Even if I know I will be missed At least I know I died saving a life haha I will be content Even for that girl I would easily mindlessly give my life to help her haha Don't ask why But I would My life means nothing if I can't help the people around me Stay happy haha This is what I will do and If I die Remember to place this phrase at my funeral "Meh =/ Shit Happens" and laugh about the good memories you've had with me Don't shed a tear haha Its hard But its for the best Just remember me as the friend who saved a friend and just left one day for another adventure of his haha That is if I die haha Cya all people I'll post again tonight or tomorrow::
.:Fireport blogged on 4:05 PM:.
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.:Thursday, May 08, 2008:.
::lol had a short game of CS just now haha now I got nothing to do I don't want to play CS I'm bored lol I'm like damn bored lah haha nothing much to watch nothing much to read and nothing much to play So just being bored here and stoning Maybe I should go get some much needed sleep for tonight haha or maybe not lol I don't know what I can do for now I'm at a loss of what I should do I'm happy things aren't awkward haha yeah nevermind haha Well I have a guide for people who are new to my blog PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't read it like a blog Read it like I'm saying the words out loud I mean thats how I blog ya know? with a slight tinge of country slang inside So I'd be like Hey Y'all I'd be a country boy from Texas In Texas everythin, now I mean everythin is bigga lol Yeah sorta like that haha But in actual fact everything but brains is bigger in Texas trust me I know their group of intellectuals are not many I assure you of that and not for something philosophical
WHAT IS GOOD AND EVIL?
Well answer that question people I'll give my answer here Good is to what a person or being can comprehend as helpful or something that gives less stress or agony. An action which can be seen as a way to help one or a way to improve oneself However, Good has no definite meaning. What you believe may be Good might be Evil to another. Such example in like how a Mother can protect a child by telling him this and that. Yes sure the child is prepared by the Mother how to face such things. But when he does face it, he lacks in experience what another child who has been through it without help has. Therefore such a practice can be seen as Good or as Evil depending on you. Evil has the same theory as Good. Therefore Good and Evil are nothing but perceptions to the advanced mind of humans or beings of higher intelligence. However humans aren't really that high up Can't tell you why anyways not now toodles::
.:Fireport blogged on 11:37 PM:.
::I don't know what to think right now haha The girl well she hates her course thats obvious haha Umm I learned a bit more about her today and her past What she told me really hit me hard She reminds me of Angel The girl who doesn't believe in love and in the end Sorta started the ball rolling for my lack of faith in the romance department Not blaming her lah But its my fault I don't believe in the same thing haha I do believe in brotherly love, Sibling love , Love among friends but I don't know what to think about BGR I've been lied to a lot of times I've been hurt too many times for me to bother about BGR love much lol I post another post later Going to go CS now haha cya later::
.:Fireport blogged on 9:57 PM:.
::haha Finally I hit the mythical 10 of kills on Irish I have hit my life ambition lol Like real anyways The girl She found out or rather by chance she did haha or maybe she knew I don't know haha I just hope she keeps tagging on my board haha KEEP MY BLOG ALIVE PEOPLE lol Where to go from here I don't know All I know is Even if I can't be her bf I'll still be here Trying to keep her happy and always willing to help her No those words are not for show They never were Everytime I said it Is Every time I meant it haha I hope things don't get awkward between us haha lol Its kinda late So I'm gonna go snooze lol Night ya'll::
.:Fireport blogged on 12:03 AM:.
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.:Tuesday, May 06, 2008:.
::Yeah here I am at my blog again Proves I have too much time haha Nothing much to study I'm prepared to fail for tomorrow haha No ok I'm not haha Haiz I'm emoing again I don't know why But I wish that the girl Would just notice me haha I wish someone would just notice that look on my face and tell me everything would be alright that someone could see how jealous I feel every time I see my friends happy with their girls I understand if the green tea couple is having their droughts haha I understand the predicament I was in the same problem before but sooner or later you'll settle it lol So no worries k? haha For the piggy and turtle couple Happy days you will have haha Take it from this coyote lol haha I'm not gonna ask my friends to join my singlehood haha That would be stupidly selfish haha And please spend more time with your girlfriends than me If you want to haha Cause girls need more attention than guys If I was to ask such of you I'd be a pussy haha And heck if I am lol I'm not haha Maybe I am really like the coyote Like how my friend used to tell me I hide all my emotions inside And take different forms to talk to different people I always thought I'd be like the Eagle I Can't be strong that way and be righteous haha I have nothing left to say for today lol I only know I can be in love with that girl for as long as my heart wants it Please Save me before its too late before I cave in before I give into this darkness...::
.:Fireport blogged on 11:21 PM:.
::And there it goes you know when ever I see it I'm always one step behind her She has found someone for herself I can only imagine how lucky that guy is you know? Its been troubling me for a while now that I can't ever get to her Because she doesn't know who I am Sure I know I shouldn't be having these thoughts But heck I'm not dumb enough to ruin their happy ending lol I'll still be here liking the girl haha I think after this those who have been speculating can guess who it is Provided you know me well enough lah or if you've guessed from my habits recently about how much I've put my heart into this lol Its tearing me up from the inside slowly I mean Sure I've been love lorn heartbroken and such but this is something else Its like losing something more than my heart Its like its killing my soul I really wish that girl might change her mind and maybe leave that guy lol I know its impossible Its their story after all And my story here is in the shadows Silently feeling pain and sorrow While still rooting for her that she can keep her happy ending the way she wants it I don't know what to do about it anymore Ok fine I think its time I release the restraints I've been putting to limit myself Starting with studies and gaming Basketball has been on so long I've really lost my skill But studies and gaming are always up to standard but it will take a while Maybe when I get my music right I can win her heart But I'll reveal it slowly to her lol So she will know that I really want her to be happy Even if it wasn't with me At least she'd be happy I may want her to be closer to me but hey Isn't what me and this girl have Good enough for now? haha Maybe for her Maybe for everyone But I long for something more But now its good enough That we are friends lol anyways heres the end of todays post If any of you place her name in my tag board I will skin you alive and quarter you Then I'll slowly roast you infront of your loved one and then slaughter you're family haha I MEAN IT ---- And to any of my ex-es Please do not delude yourselves Its not you Its someone else and to that girl If you know who you are Please keep it a secret from me Just tag on the board that you know its you If you do and if you do read my blog haha Night ya'll I'll go bath then play to 100 deaths with Tossgirl I hope this time I can reach 10::
.:Fireport blogged on 7:30 PM:.
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.:Monday, May 05, 2008:.
::Its kinda sad you know How you can always be one step behind something And never get to it haha In a way its a never ending journey lol Ok from today I'm sure I like that girl lol But heck I'm not telling who it is here Its too risky since there seems to be a lot of people who read this For those who already figured it out HUSH HUSH or its Slice Slice for you and your loved one YES I MEAN IT You people tend to forget about the kill mode they left in me well anyways hush hush k? haha I'm supposed to be revising now but I can't seem to lol Ok ok You know how I always degrade myself? well I'm going to stop doing that haha lol Yeah I will stop Cause if I'm not good enough for any girl Why would I have ex-es? haha Weird eh? lol Heres a poem I thought off or rather a song lyric here goes nothing "If I asked you to stay would you listen, To what my heart has to say to you, If I went away, Would you miss me, Only to find that I'll be home today, If my heart went astray would you keep me, And teach me how to fall in love again, You say that you hate, But would you see me, And learn that there is nothing left to hate." Sung to the tune of Won't Go Home Without You (Verse) Its nothing much But better than some crappy love songs I know lol " I have a vision in my mind, A gleem in my eye, That I would be the one, To have some fun, When I'm changing the world, And hope to see, That the one to bring love, Would be ME!!!" haha That was a lame rap I guess lol I'm getting lamer hahaha and to that girl If you know who you are well then my game is up But please don't shy away I'm not that bad a person I'm just shy to the point its awkward, Contrary to what my friends believe, I'm more of an introvert that needs support Than an extrovert that can be support lol After all I'm only human right? lol I hope I can get her soon enough But it seems that fate has something else in store for me before I can get closer Heck I'll bull doze it down like usual And claim that it was nothing Like how I claim that the O's are nothing but a toy in my eyes lol When its the only reason I have ever felt real panic Its almost reassuring that it lives up to its name lol Well good night all haha Toodles::
.:Fireport blogged on 10:18 PM:.
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.:Sunday, May 04, 2008:.
::Haiz today another dissapointing CS day haha Anyways this morning at work something hilarious happened I was like talking to XT then like I started to bleed from my nose No Idea why hahaha haha THen its like we all like find ways to make the blood stop lah haha In the end the folk remedy like wins all haha Anyways today watched HERO haha the movie liek so rocks hahaha anyways thats all I got to say lah for now lol Ok maybe I lied There might be no lucky girl but theres a girl I'm starting to crush on so like I hope that I can get her haha Even though I was always a step too late hahaha Anyone who knows my predicament Will know what I mean haha basiclly only like 1 person? haha so anyways night all haha cya::
.:Fireport blogged on 10:45 PM:.
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.:Saturday, May 03, 2008:.
::lol Today has been a good day Woke up bloody early to go to Xin Yu house to study haha Thanks to me They didn't really study much hahaha In a way its not really my fault though lol After that Alvin joined us Then I picked up his PSP and such lol Spent the rest of the day on a bus and at my grams lol I'm so bloody tired now haha I might still go pub later haha Tomorrow got work though so until 11+ lah haha lol hmm Anyways people whatcha think? Should I go find that lucky girl any time soon? =X haha Leave it to you all to decide and yes I have a girl I think I like haha But I hope she would feel the same way about me Soon enough::
.:Fireport blogged on 10:33 PM:.
::I DEPROVED SO FAST GRRRR I only got 9 kills I died 123 times grr tomorrow need to train when I got chance before I sleep::
.:Fireport blogged on 1:28 AM:.
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.:Friday, May 02, 2008:.
::I'm starting to love SouL more and more More than I did 2 years ago I mean its really what I've been looking for in the FPS world Sure I'm not so pro now But I'm going to improve I'm going to train as much as I can As long as I have the time Away from music and studies and work I'll train I'll train till I can beat my Teacher Mentor and Leader Tossgirl::
.:Fireport blogged on 11:50 PM:.
::lol As for now theres no girl in my life for all you people to know the closest thing I love right now is my music and Guitar and Computer lol Of course there might be a girl I'm crushing on but there is someone I want to save lol I don't know who but anyone who is emo I'll share your burden lol If you don't want me to I'll do what ever I can to cheer you up I can't stand sorrow anymore I hate it Its the only thing I hate Sorrow There is too much sorrow in this world We all need to lighten up Thanks JYI for reading my blog haha I really still can't forgive myself for what I did Don't ask what but just know that I will never forgive myself till I can make it up to you For others Don't ask what I did Just know I did something terrible and I know I'm a monster I have done many inhumane things in my life From ending a life to ruining others But now its time for me To face up to my sins and repay them lol And hey I think there is a girl I like but I know she can't be mine She doesn't believe in love haha And She's in a different school plus she's too perfect for a geek like me lol I'd never be good enough But I'll still try Maybe I might get lucky you know? haha I guess thats all for now haha Cya guys tomorrow::
.:Fireport blogged on 10:58 PM:.
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.:Thursday, May 01, 2008:.
::I want to fall in love could someone teach me how? I mean haiz I love being single no I don't lol But I'll just wait Till someone comes along haha My retribution I guess haha Thank you karma =)::
.:Fireport blogged on 11:13 PM:.
::lol Ok as you can see I changed the theme of my blog To the Hidden Garden Why???? Well its cause I feel I need a change Of course I still love my guitar hahah So no worries there to my future groupies lol Looking back I really regret all the wrongs I've done in the past I hope my all my ex-girlfriends read this post I know at least 2 might I'm not sure about the rest I feel I'm sorry for making you girls cry I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for any of you All of you deserved better No shit lol You girls are all great Even the terrible number 2 lol You all are beautiful in your own ways DO NOT LET OTHERS TELL YOU OTHERWISE lol Any girl can be beautiful If they believe in themselves haha I'm no saint But I know I'm wrong lol My sins I will carry into the Secret Gardens of Eden lol In a sense anyways lol oh yeah You know my blog picture? Theres a poem to it here it goes
Inside the Hidden Garden, A person is found, Inside the person, A dream is bound, Inside the dream A desire is born, Inside this desire sorrow is gone...
Nice? haha Tag my board for your comments lol Cya guys::
.:Fireport blogged on 9:01 PM:.
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.:The Hidden Garden:.
I am me, You am me, we are all me me me!!!!
.:Profile:.
name:Edward Cheang
age:18
likes:Eh nothing really
wishlist: For radio production to be ok
quote:"Why wait for someone who might appear when you can go for the one right in front of you"