::Sometimes its not what people find for you but what you find for yourself....
Today early morning went to fajar to pick dar up and followed lala to buy books
She could have done it herself.....
But nooooooo
We had to come along espcially after what little rest we had....
We slept at her house till around 1 when we went to plaza for lunch at KFC
Surprisingly today the chicken thigh I got wasn't spoiled like the very last time I ate it....
I felt very bad today...
I had let my girlfriend pay for lunch expenses and movie rental.....
I felt like a bad fuck
A useless one at that...
Worst thing is it wasn't the first time...
I feel bad not being able to pay for things.....
You guys out there...
You guys should know how it feels...
Its not that I'm against girls paying for everything.....
Its just that as a guy I feel its something I should do.....
After that dropped by at Yixins to watch Pathfinder which was the rental....
IT ROCKED!!!!!
It was gory, romantic and exciting!!!!!
Its what it looked like in the trailers and better!!!!
We all enjoyed it!!!
After that I and Dar slacked till around 6 when I sent her home....
I said something on the way back that spoiled her mood...
I'm not sure what it was but I know I'm the reason for her bad mood.....
Its becoming a norm I don't know why....
I can't seem to be able to keep her in a good mood.....
I already promised not to mention him....
I already didn't mention about him....
I also try to watch what I say....
It's just that I can't seem to be able to keep her in a good mood....
I feel like an idoit with no arms trying to row a still boat.....
Yet the boat is moving....
I feel powerless to do anything no matter what I've tried...
It just doesn't work....
I want to know whats wrong why I can't do anything right.....
I can apologize as much as possible yet if I don't correct it its empty....
I'm changing but slowly....
You said I tell her everything....
I tell her almost nothing....
She doesn't know anything other than the obvious facts.....
I don't tell her what you tell me about her.....
If I did in the past those were accidents....
Maybe you can trust me more than the past....
But sadly of my mistake I have to wait even longer...
Time is no longer of the essence now since the deal is null and void....
But that doesn't mean you can leave....
and that I can survive without you....
I still need you...
I need you more than ever now...
I just want you to trust me....
March is our 6 months together....
You know that....
I hope by then you can give me your trust....
Not to the extent that you trusted him.....
But at least 90% of that level.....
I trust you 99% right now.....
100% is impossible as my fear is still there for now.....
You are everything to me....
Everything I hoped for....
Everything I needed....
Everthing I want....
The only one I love ....
Without you I am nothing ......
I just hope you won't throw me away like a toy.....
I just need you to trust that I will be with you till we are old....
It isn't a lie....
Its a truth....
Yes I may have said that to other girls...
The thing is that I mean it everytime I say it....
You are the light in my life ....
I can't do without you.....
I know it takes time.....
But I hope you can trust me....
I'm changing....
and still am....
So trust me k?
I love you
I need you
I want you
Whatever other people say.... It won't change my perception of you....
In my eyes you are always perfect....
Someone who doesn't need improvement....
But someone who needs me to improve in order to match your level....
You mean more to me than anyone else....
I'm afraid that you might leave me....
It feels our relationship is on the rocks....
It also feels our relationship is at its prime.....
So I hope after reading this you can love me more and trust me more....
Be true to me as I am to you...
Its all I hope you can do as a minimium....
I love you....
--- Ellumic Signing Off ---::

.:Fireport blogged on 8:39 PM:.
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