::Spent the day at Guilford School of Hospitality
To learn food hygiene...
Boring course
But the teacher Mr Chin made it interesting with jokes and diagrams.
Also my two sleeping friends Zong Xi , Wee meng.
The way they slept was so funny
Everyone was keeping an eye on them seeing where thier head would land next.
After that went to Bugis.
Ate Laksa
It tasted good and it was cheap.....
After went to Bugis Junction and played my heart out at the arcade with the cheap games and walked around got a shirt....
Went back to plaza to cool off my head
then headed home....

Today there was something that made me feel angry confused sad and even paranoid
I won't go into details and such...
Anyways heres something I want to tell my girlfriend....
I don't know why I go insanely jealous just now.....
I didn't want too....
Its just that some images flashed in my mind.....
and made me feel jealous and angry.....
It made me think....
Sometimes it totally feels like everything we have between us is like a lie...
and act...
a joke....
Most of the time.....
I really can feel that its real....
Its there...
It can last forever.....
Sometimes....
When you tell me things....
You sound so reluctant to tell me anything.....
Yet when you ask me....
I don't tell you is cause I don't know how.....
I can't find the words without becoming unstable.....
Its not that i don't want to tell you.....
Its cause I need to cool down first and find the words.....
I don't know why I am this way
I feel weak
Powerless
especially just now when you told me where you went.....
It made me think...
It made me doubt....
It made me confused.....
I was at a loss of words to say....
My temper just went crazy....
I acted like nothing happened but went to the toilet and shouted my head off.....
I just don't understand why I am this way......
Could it be because I'm scared of you leaving....
That I've become possesive....
and even to the point of obessesion.....
Maybe its time I told you about someone from my past to started this fear in me.....
He's dead.....
In a way.....
and in my heart....
He taught me the fear of losing friends and people around me....
If you want to know what he did to teach me this...
Just ask later or something I'll tell you....
To anyone else, ask and I'll scream at you.....
I will change....
I must change...
I don't know how long it will take....
But I WILL CHANGE....
Even death won't stop me from changing....
I love you my dear.....
Don't you ever for a moment doubt that.....
I just need to change how I react to things...
Thats all....
I hope you can forgive me for getting angry in the past....
and even in the near future....
Please my dear.....
Be patient and help me change my attitude.....
Your the only one I know who can help me.....
I came up with a poem today...
" I am a warrior,
I have my shield my sword and my mail,
I am a warrior,
Not in war but in life and against not infidels but trials,
Where my strength is my sword my will is my shield and my love is my mail,
Without you I am like a warrior without mail,
One who is weak and without protection,
You are a part of me through this war of life,
The most important part,
Stick with me through the end,
And everything will turn out fine...."
Its crappy I know
Its soppy I know
But thats how I feel
NOTHING
Will make me change the words in it....
I love you my dear....

--- Ellumic Signing Off --::

.:Fireport blogged on 10:37 PM:.
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