::Sometimes its not what people find for you but what you find for yourself....
Today early morning went to fajar to pick dar up and followed lala to buy books
She could have done it herself.....
But nooooooo
We had to come along espcially after what little rest we had....
We slept at her house till around 1 when we went to plaza for lunch at KFC
Surprisingly today the chicken thigh I got wasn't spoiled like the very last time I ate it....
I felt very bad today...
I had let my girlfriend pay for lunch expenses and movie rental.....
I felt like a bad fuck
A useless one at that...
Worst thing is it wasn't the first time...
I feel bad not being able to pay for things.....
You guys out there...
You guys should know how it feels...
Its not that I'm against girls paying for everything.....
Its just that as a guy I feel its something I should do.....
After that dropped by at Yixins to watch Pathfinder which was the rental....
IT ROCKED!!!!!
It was gory, romantic and exciting!!!!!
Its what it looked like in the trailers and better!!!!
We all enjoyed it!!!
After that I and Dar slacked till around 6 when I sent her home....
I said something on the way back that spoiled her mood...
I'm not sure what it was but I know I'm the reason for her bad mood.....
Its becoming a norm I don't know why....
I can't seem to be able to keep her in a good mood.....
I already promised not to mention him....
I already didn't mention about him....
I also try to watch what I say....
It's just that I can't seem to be able to keep her in a good mood....
I feel like an idoit with no arms trying to row a still boat.....
Yet the boat is moving....
I feel powerless to do anything no matter what I've tried...
It just doesn't work....
I want to know whats wrong why I can't do anything right.....
I can apologize as much as possible yet if I don't correct it its empty....
I'm changing but slowly....
You said I tell her everything....
I tell her almost nothing....
She doesn't know anything other than the obvious facts.....
I don't tell her what you tell me about her.....
If I did in the past those were accidents....
Maybe you can trust me more than the past....
But sadly of my mistake I have to wait even longer...
Time is no longer of the essence now since the deal is null and void....
But that doesn't mean you can leave....
and that I can survive without you....
I still need you...
I need you more than ever now...
I just want you to trust me....
March is our 6 months together....
You know that....
I hope by then you can give me your trust....
Not to the extent that you trusted him.....
But at least 90% of that level.....
I trust you 99% right now.....
100% is impossible as my fear is still there for now.....
You are everything to me....
Everything I hoped for....
Everything I needed....
Everthing I want....
The only one I love ....
Without you I am nothing ......
I just hope you won't throw me away like a toy.....
I just need you to trust that I will be with you till we are old....
It isn't a lie....
Its a truth....
Yes I may have said that to other girls...
The thing is that I mean it everytime I say it....
You are the light in my life ....
I can't do without you.....
I know it takes time.....
But I hope you can trust me....
I'm changing....
and still am....
So trust me k?
I love you
I need you
I want you
Whatever other people say.... It won't change my perception of you....
In my eyes you are always perfect....
Someone who doesn't need improvement....
But someone who needs me to improve in order to match your level....
You mean more to me than anyone else....
I'm afraid that you might leave me....
It feels our relationship is on the rocks....
It also feels our relationship is at its prime.....
So I hope after reading this you can love me more and trust me more....
Be true to me as I am to you...
Its all I hope you can do as a minimium....
I love you....
--- Ellumic Signing Off ---::

.:Fireport blogged on 8:39 PM:.
...
::Today Rainie came over to help me with painting my room hahah.
We had alot of fun
espcially just painting the wall trying to make it even and stuff
But she was dead tired by the end of it.
lol
My sisters made her sooooo tired I'm not suprised if she's napping now or something haha
lol
We talked alot too
About stuff
Yeah stuff
This morning went to Lala's to pick up my phone too
haha
I left it there by accident.
lol
I enjoyed today a whole damn lot.
Tomorrow's a special day....
I want to spend it with her
totally
I love her SOOOOOOO much....
I can't stop it....
I can't bear losing her hahaha.....
I need to cheer up....
Become more sensitive.....
And also care more....
I regret not learning how to do that last time...
But now I am hahah
Thanks for being patient dearest....
Thats very important!!!!!
haha
Today was a fun day
hope tomorrow is funner hahhaha

--- Ellumic Signing Off ---
YES I KNOW FUNNER ISN'T A WORD!!!!
ITS A BLOG I MAKE UP MY OWN WORDS!!!!!
YOU DWARVENSPUNKS HAHAHAHHA!!!!!!::

.:Fireport blogged on 8:22 PM:.
...
::Sometimes its a blessing to be ignorant.........
That's what she says.......
Sometimes its better to not have lived through so much.....
And learn to lie to everyone but the one you love most.........
I can lie to anyone......
I can lie to my parents.....
I can lie to my friends....
I can't lie to her no matter what.......
I know i broke my promise to her.....
I regret even talking to him.........
I hope you can forgive me......
Even if the world was lost and everything died....
I can't lose you....
Your too precious to me....
I know you try to stay happy for my sake sometimes....
But I just wish you could be happy for yourself.....
I don't know how to help change your mood when your sad.....
How can do anything to help you when I'm clueless......
Even though I can promise you that I won't ever talk to him again....
Unless fate has a nice twisted sense of humour that forces me and him to be in the same physical space.......
I'm not sure a hundred percent that you may trust me.....
I will try to make you trust me again no matter what......
I know that you love me.....
I also know that you love him still......
Know this....
I will not stop trying.....
I will not stop loving you.....
I want you to be able to love me more than him.....
Its selfish....
But its what I want......
I won't lie to you.....
I won't keep secrets from you anymore......
so here's one that I did keep from you.....
I feel Julius deserves to die in a car accident with money up his ass.......
yeah that's pretty much every thing I kept from you.....
Forever may not be enough to do what I wish to do......
I don't know....
I feel like crying every time I see that sad look on your face.....
Your a bad liar.....
You know that .....
I've told you that so many times....
Your face betrays what you say.....
I on the other hand....
Choose to be obvious with my lies.....
I just wish you'd notice when I'm happy or sad more easily......
Its not easy to open up your emotions after trying to hide them for so long.....
Take it from someone who knows about hiding emotions.....
From seeing death....
From feeling death.....
From knowing death.....
Death may be beautiful.....
But that's because life is existent in this world......
Emotions bring colour to my otherwise black and white world.....
I'm not colour blind but I'm insensitive....
There are only three things you don't know about me yet....
They will reveal themselves to you in due time....
They are not secrets....
But rules I've set for myself.....
I've planned majority of what has happened to my life in these 16 years...
I always forgot to calculate the emotional factor and the level of stress I can handle.....
You are my solution to all my problems....
The support for soul....
You are the most important thing in my life now.....
All else doesn't matter.....
I can live without my money, games, lies and friends.....
I can't live without you.....
My dreams can only be realised with your support....
Not financially or physically.....
But mentally and spiritually....
You are my cure to every sickness I have....
To also the poison that runs in my veins that have troubled me so.....
All my pain is gone when your around....
The only pain I feel when your there is that when you look sad or troubled but choose not to tell me so......
You lack of trust in me is the only thing that ailes me....
It is also the only hurdle we have left to cross.....
Forever may seem long.....
But I will love you for that long....
Since forever doesn't seem long enough.....
I love you....
I need you.....
I want you......

--- Ellumic Signing Off ---::

.:Fireport blogged on 9:35 PM:.
...
::Inside joke.....
Today I went to HDB hub with dearest and lala to meet roger and his friend Jason.
So like yeah went there to get some job for them but in the end turned out to be an agency
which was like no help at all.
So at there we decided to skip lunch and went straight to Kbox for a good 4 hours.
They froze while I found it quite OK....
The air-conditioner wasn't that cold right?
I mean it wasn't as cold as the 4 winters I spent in America....
Or was it 5????
Anyways we sang alot of songs there and had loads of fun....
Even roger and Jason sang a few tunes today
Ok maybe we were all out of tune
but with our idol friends helping us
We were able to keep ourselves in tune
and also sound good.
Had many mixed drinks too hahah
like coke and sprite
and all that jazz
anyways today was a nice day despite the rain
and my story blog is up
Just pray hard I will update it hahaha
here's the link
http://agelesssingapore.blogspot.com/
Its called Ageless
Read it to find out more::

.:Fireport blogged on 9:16 PM:.

::Goona put up a blog with a story so Check out the link later tonight::

.:Fireport blogged on 9:36 AM:.
...
::Today woke up around 10
went to Kai Qi's house after lunch with Rainie
Slacked till around 5
I spent a good 2 + hours running from my own fear of gays
And Kai Qi was having good time playing on it.
*shiver*
Got crushed abit hahaa
Still got out alive in the end...
After that went to a nearby place and bought Rojak to eat.
God damn those people
They were so giving us attitude.
I said thank you and the lady didn't even give a glance.
It was soooooo Irritating.
After that we walked around Bukit Panjang admiring the sky and the rain.
Well thats what happened today.
Oh I'm addicted to Hou Sum Fan Sao by Candy Lo
And being the writer I am I decided to create my own twist to the song Fukai Mori....
Just the chorus anyways.
" Deep inside my heart, you will always be
Deep inside my soul, I'll remember you
Deep inside my mind, You will always stay
This I promise you, even if you fade....
You will always be deep inside of me......"
It sounds like a cheap remix to a real song
But I thought it up in 5 minutes so what?
I got a full version in my head but you'll have to wait for me to pen it down.
haha
I promised my girlfriend a very long post today and I shall not dissapoint her
Hmm
Heres somethings about my girlfriend
She's
Kind
Cool
Smart
Skinny
Hot
Funny
Loving
Caring
Stubborn
Helpful
Loving
Lovable
Happy
Sad
Funky
and last but not least the one I love the most......
I dare to say that now
I will dare to say that in future
She has a space in my heart
That no one can ever replace
Even if they took my life away
I will always be there to protect her in any way I can.....
I will always be there for you my love....
I just hope you'll be there for me................
---- Ellumic Signing Off ----::

.:Fireport blogged on 10:19 PM:.
...
::Today my feet hurt like fucking hell
Walked around the whole day in sandles
Thank God tomorrow I can wake up at god knows what hour.
Tonight I will rest my feet hahaha
Went to East coast today with Rainie and Lala
For the 2E2'05 and friends BBQ party
They both got drunk and sadly
After the start of the party
I had spent about close to 2 hours
trying to keep them from killing themselves
accidently while not trying to get killed myself.
Walked with Rainie and let lala get sober on her own.
After that went all the way back to mcd for Rainie's dad to pick us up.
Still my feet hurt.
Early today went all the way to phoenix to pick up lala
Then spent the afternoon at Ten Mile Junction
Buying food and supplies for the BBQ
And while everyone took a cab down
Me, rainie , Lala, Xiu Hui, Xiao Hong and Jia Hui
Took a train all the way to Paya Lebar
Then took a bus from there to parkway Parade
From Parkway
We walked all the way to East Coast Area C
And made our long and painful journey to Area F
Step by Step we moved our legs all the way there.
We made it after about over an hours walk
Then the party started.
Ok after the party
we made our way back the same way.
So yeah
my feet hurt
hahaha
Ciao
I need sleep
--- Ellumic Signing Off---::

.:Fireport blogged on 11:53 PM:.
...
::Today went to Lavender to remake my IC
It was so damned ex and far
that after that me and dar
went down to Bugis and had lunch at Seoul Garden.
It was so damn good.
I hadn't eaten so much in so long
I ate like a hungry ghost
With
Mapo Tofu
Beef Slices
Black Pepper Beef
Chilli Beef
Chicken
And many other meats.
After that went to lala's house
and slacked till evening
Also today I lent my ps2 to dearest
hahaha
Hope you have fun
--- Ellumic Signing Off ---::

.:Fireport blogged on 10:49 PM:.
...
::Spent the day at Guilford School of Hospitality
To learn food hygiene...
Boring course
But the teacher Mr Chin made it interesting with jokes and diagrams.
Also my two sleeping friends Zong Xi , Wee meng.
The way they slept was so funny
Everyone was keeping an eye on them seeing where thier head would land next.
After that went to Bugis.
Ate Laksa
It tasted good and it was cheap.....
After went to Bugis Junction and played my heart out at the arcade with the cheap games and walked around got a shirt....
Went back to plaza to cool off my head
then headed home....

Today there was something that made me feel angry confused sad and even paranoid
I won't go into details and such...
Anyways heres something I want to tell my girlfriend....
I don't know why I go insanely jealous just now.....
I didn't want too....
Its just that some images flashed in my mind.....
and made me feel jealous and angry.....
It made me think....
Sometimes it totally feels like everything we have between us is like a lie...
and act...
a joke....
Most of the time.....
I really can feel that its real....
Its there...
It can last forever.....
Sometimes....
When you tell me things....
You sound so reluctant to tell me anything.....
Yet when you ask me....
I don't tell you is cause I don't know how.....
I can't find the words without becoming unstable.....
Its not that i don't want to tell you.....
Its cause I need to cool down first and find the words.....
I don't know why I am this way
I feel weak
Powerless
especially just now when you told me where you went.....
It made me think...
It made me doubt....
It made me confused.....
I was at a loss of words to say....
My temper just went crazy....
I acted like nothing happened but went to the toilet and shouted my head off.....
I just don't understand why I am this way......
Could it be because I'm scared of you leaving....
That I've become possesive....
and even to the point of obessesion.....
Maybe its time I told you about someone from my past to started this fear in me.....
He's dead.....
In a way.....
and in my heart....
He taught me the fear of losing friends and people around me....
If you want to know what he did to teach me this...
Just ask later or something I'll tell you....
To anyone else, ask and I'll scream at you.....
I will change....
I must change...
I don't know how long it will take....
But I WILL CHANGE....
Even death won't stop me from changing....
I love you my dear.....
Don't you ever for a moment doubt that.....
I just need to change how I react to things...
Thats all....
I hope you can forgive me for getting angry in the past....
and even in the near future....
Please my dear.....
Be patient and help me change my attitude.....
Your the only one I know who can help me.....
I came up with a poem today...
" I am a warrior,
I have my shield my sword and my mail,
I am a warrior,
Not in war but in life and against not infidels but trials,
Where my strength is my sword my will is my shield and my love is my mail,
Without you I am like a warrior without mail,
One who is weak and without protection,
You are a part of me through this war of life,
The most important part,
Stick with me through the end,
And everything will turn out fine...."
Its crappy I know
Its soppy I know
But thats how I feel
NOTHING
Will make me change the words in it....
I love you my dear....

--- Ellumic Signing Off --::

.:Fireport blogged on 10:37 PM:.
...
::PI!!!!!!
haha
Today Went to the Cathay to catch Doraemon the Movie
Was so nice man
Touching
Exciting
Romantic
and Funny
hahah
Eyes of Love and Concern (l)_(l)
hahaha
lol
before that had lunch at the Indulge
and dessert at Ben and Jerry's
Had so much fun today
Tomorrow
Can't spend the day with her
But i'll be going for a food hygiene course
Jiana::

.:Fireport blogged on 9:54 PM:.
...
::Today went to Raffles with Dar , La , And Yixin
They didn't get the job they wanted sadly
Then we had Sashimi for Lunch
and went to Chinatown for Dessert
Loved the Guiling Gao
haha
Today also went to HPV
We travvled through hell and stuff
On the way back
Talked about Scary Stuff
Scared the hell out of the girls and caused them to be afraid.
lol
HAd a fun day tomoorow will be better
--- Ellumic Signing Off --::

.:Fireport blogged on 9:44 PM:.
...
::Today was a good day hahahah
After work went home bathed
went to find dar and lala
lol
At lot 1 we had Ajisan Ramen
We took Neoprints (first timer)
haha
Had some races and tried Drum Mania hahahah
We had alot of fun
And now for the topic of today
The gay guys of I.P.Zone and Zinc.
So gay
They are gay to the extent that gay people will call them gay
The was like PRICE CHANGE!!!! with three finger female salute pointing at the price tag
The one thing I wanted to show him was the TWO FINGER SALUTE.
Damn it they made me feel icky inside and want to leave
haiz so sad
Anyways hahah
Today was a good day
Tomorrow will be better
--- Ellumic Signing Off---::

.:Fireport blogged on 9:31 PM:.
...
::damn it lost my IC today hahaha
sad but true
thats pretty much what happened today
and yeah
saw her parents today
Almost said hi
But went off without a word
haha
Went back to BB today also
haha
today is a mixed day::

.:Fireport blogged on 10:15 PM:.
...
::Today spent the morning at home watching Initial-D
spent the afternoon at home with Jie Ying and my two sisters
Played abit yadayada
after that
We hit lot 1 and started our Datona Challange
heres the results
Race 1 : Winner RAINIE
Race 2 : Winner Some kid
Race 3 : Winner RAINIE
Race 4 : Winner RAINIE

after that they went to yellow for an interview for a shop post.
Sadly the pay was crap and they didn't do it
After went to mac family night and spent about 2 hours playing games and eating crap food and stuff.
So yeah
Thats my day
There were other things
but lets just say I don't want to mention it
and today I didn't quarrel with her hahahaha
Yeah
Progress
--- Ellumic Signing Off ---::

.:Fireport blogged on 11:36 PM:.
...
::"As we go on

We remember

All the times we

Had together

As our lives change

come whatever

we will still be

friends forever."

Graduation ~ Vitamin C



Some of you may know this song

Some of you might not

Today this song applies to all Secondary 4/5 Fajarians

As today is our Graduation Day....

Long will I miss the times we had

The moments we shared

The laughs we made

The tears we shed....

Even so

In the end

The road to the future is bright ahead

and as I stay for one more year

May all of you leave with no regrets....

Now to Personally Adress some of my Express Friends and Girlfriend



Vinodh - Machar You have always been there for me and also always helped me when I was down and out. Even though we might not be as close anymore.I will always treat you as a brother.



Kun Shuan - You have my trust and my thanks dear friend. Its been a good run and even as you turn into a CLT and I stay as a SGT or SSGT or WO. I hope we can stay as friends and help each other. May you be lucky with her and go to the school of your choice.



Alvin - Brother from another mother , that you are. You have taught me what others couldn't yet also helped me find out things about myself and the liars of our school.You were what i needed most at certain times when all i needed was a listening ear. You heard my whines and also my joys so brother of mine lets be friends even though you leave.



Yong Hua - Happy Birthday. We still on for Ball every week? haha My dear friend we have not really known each other till this year when we played Cards which we all quit. So cheers to many years we have and we stay as friends.



Rainie - My dear , even though we were enemies in the past, friends near the present and still lovers in the future I hope that you will always be by my side, overlook my flaws and teach me how to change them. You are the one I trust the most and also the one i love the most who isn't my family. I love you my dear.



Sutsiam - We were friends and still are friends may we still be friends forever. Cheers!!!

---



That ends my address to my friends

There are others who i haven't mentioned

they are either joining me next year in my graduation day next year

or they are not from my school.

So yeah haha

Thats about all i can say about it

I will miss all of them

I was almost brought to tears today

when I suddenly remembered that next year

I won't be with all my friends

And that I might be alone again

If it wasn't for Ganesan Sunny and Dexter.

So Next years post will go to them.

After the graduation ceremony

We went to Cineleisure to celebrate in style at the chicago steak house

which is cheap and nice.

Went to help Roger and Co. shop for prom night clothes (rainie: I WANT PROM NIGHT!!!!)

After that a few rounds of datona and a silent bus ride home....

But still hahah

The day was great

and I will miss all my friends

hahah

--- Ellumic Signing Off ---::

.:Fireport blogged on 9:44 PM:.
...
::Today was a bad dayyyya!!!!!!
Morning was being called down to work for short hours!!!!!!
after that
accidently pissed my girlfriend off.........
Then ah
Went to lala house watch SURFS UP!!!!!
Love the songs the movie and the sport
thats my summary for today
Kachao
--- Ellumic Signing Off ---::

.:Fireport blogged on 9:05 PM:.
...
::haha
Today was a good day
Many things went my way
Work
Gf
Movie
Food
yeah
That pretty much went well
Watched Fantastic Four today
Oh and people you know the song they play at the bike show?
its called........
KIRIKIRI MAI!!!!!!!!!
KIRI KIRI MAI KIRI KIRI MAI
NO SET SU SA
KIRI KIRI MAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!::

.:Fireport blogged on 10:06 PM:.
...
::Yep Today is pic day
Weird eh
My blog hardly has pics but you'll see some later
Oh today
Went to east coast for cycling
The bikes were fucked up
Brakes sucked
gears sucked
everything sucked.
Injuries occured
Sadly
Then went to SPCA but it was closed
Such a damn big damned bummer
Went to some crematoriums afterwards
Very beautiful
Yet also eerie
haha
Great place to rest in piece
and now for some pics












::

.:Fireport blogged on 11:18 PM:.
...
::She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
she takes me away to that special place
And if I stare too long
I'd probably break down and cry
woah oh ohSweet child o' mine
woah oh oh oh
Sweet love of mine(short guitar solo)
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
woah oh oh
Sweet child o' mine
woah oh oh oh
Sweet love of mine(short guitar solo)
woah oh oh oh
Sweet child o' mine
woah oh oh oh
Sweet love of mine
woah oh oh oh
Sweet child o' mine
woah oh oh
Sweet love of mine(guitar solo)
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o Where do we go now
ah ah aiai ai ai Where do we go now
Where do we go Where do we go now
Where do we go nowwhere do we go
where do we go now
sweet child sweet child of mine::

.:Fireport blogged on 8:50 PM:.

::haha
Today spent the morning at work
Afternoon with my hot gf and our friends at the pool side with my baby sisters.
Soz Peeps
I didn't bring a camera so no pics.
I want to grow taller than her
Cause I know that can make her happier.
And make me look like ishida more
hahaha
I love Quincys
haha
I love her even more
with every passing day.
To the extent that even all the haters in the world
Can't stand in its way.
We will have our troubles and problems.
But we will stick together even at the end of the day.
So thats all I have to say.
I know there will be alot of guys after her in poly....
I trust her and love her enough to know she won't leave me....
Even if "he" came back....

--- Ellumic Signing Off ---::

.:Fireport blogged on 8:42 PM:.
...
::Today was so damn tiring
Early in the morning
I rode all the way to Keat Hong.
To mod up my bike and play PS3
I painted it Silver and names it White Lightning
Cause it can go fast and its silver.
hahaa
Today Went to SP
Was dissapointed
Don't ask why
Then came back
Rode on bikes with Rainie and Yi Xin
And had alot of fun
They had alot of falls
hahahah
Not to laugh at them but to encourage them.
Anyways rode home later and here I am
lalalala
Thats today
and to people who like to spam my tag board
go shoot yourselfs or something.
Put up encouraging stuff not stupid stuff

---Ellumic Signing Off---::

.:Fireport blogged on 9:48 PM:.
...
::I'm FUCKING PISSED.
Damn it
Why the hell is the whole day wrong
I argued with my mom
My girlfriends injured
I feel like the whole world is against me.....
Even with her around....
Even though I know she cares.....
I feel like I'm alone with no one there.......
WHY CAN'T I FEEL CARED FOR
WHY DO I ONLY KNOW FEAR ANGER AND FUCKING SORROW
WHY IS MY HAPPINESS ALWAYS SHATTERED AWAY
WHY IS IT THAT MY LIFE IS A FUCKING MISERABLE TALE
THAT I SHOULD BE EMO ABOUT BUT FUCKING FEEL ITS NOTHING TO BE SAD ABOUT?
CAN ANYONE FUCKING TELL ME WHY?
TELL ME WHY DO I ACT HAPPY WHEN I'M SAD.....
TELL ME WHY THE HELL WHEN I ACT HAPPY IT SEEMS SO REAL THAT EVEN THE PEOPLE AROUND ME REALLY THINK THAT?
WHY IS IT AROUND HER, I FEEL HAPPY, I MEAN TRUELY HAPPY, YET I FEEL FEAR AND INSECURE?
I'M REALLY SCARED OF LOSING HER
BUT WHAT CAN I DO?
DO I HAVE TO ACT LIKE I'M NOT AFRAID?
DO I HAVE TO BEHAVE LIKE I'M SO SUPER CONFIDENT?
WHY CAN'T PEOPLE SEE I'M A WEAK KID ACTING STRONG FOR EVERYBODY'S SAKE.
WHY DO I TRY AND DO SO MUCH, TRY AND SACRIFICE SO MUCH FOR OTHER PEOPLE, TAKE THE BLAME FOR THEM, DO THIER DIRTY WORK, TAKE THE RAP, PAY THIER DUES AND DEBTS AND KNOW THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO EARN IN THE END.
WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE I'M ALONE EVEN WITH SO MANY FRIENDS.
WHY DO I FEEL ALONE?
SO WHAT IF I CAN SEE GHOST.
SO WHAT IF MY LIFE IS SHORT.
WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE WANNA DIE SO FUCKING YOUNG?!!!!
TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO IS DESTINED TO DIE YOUNG.
ITS NOT SOMETHING YOU FUCKING WANT.
FUCK IT ALL MAN
SOMETIMES I WISH THERE WAS AN ESCAPE TO ALL THIS
AND SO FAR THE ONLY ESCAPE I HAVE FROM ALL OF THIS FUCKING NONSENSE IS THE TIME I SPEND WITH HER.
FUCK IT ALL DAMN IT
FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK.
WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO BE SO IMPATIENT.
WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO WANT HER TO CHANGE SO FAST SO BAD?
IS IT CAUSE I HAVE LITTLE TIME?
OR IS IT CAUSE I'M SELFISH AND JEALOUS THAT SHE LOVES HIM STILL EVEN THOUGH I KNOW SHE LOVES ME AS WELL?
FUCK IT
I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE
MY HEAD IS IN A FUCKING HEADACHE.
Rainie....
could you please....
be there for me....
I need you...
now more then ever.....::

.:Fireport blogged on 8:32 PM:.
...
::Yeah
I acted so weird yesterday
I mean I totally wasn't myself
Would I actually lick a table or act like i did?
I mean it's me
EDWARD CHEANG
ELLUMIC
FIREPORT BLAZE
The guy who has enough pride that if pride was food no one would be hungry for close to a millenia.
Anyways apologies to my girl and friends Vanessa, Kai Qi, Lala.
Sorry bout the way I acted yesterday yeah so.
GOMENA-SAI
------
Lets talk about beauty today.
Hmm
What is true beauty?
Is it in looks?
In heart?
In soul?
Well personally to me
Beauty is in your perception.
Many may find my girlfriend to be pretty.
And in a matter of fact to me she is the most beautiful person I have seen.
In action,looks and mind.
Yet some may find her disgustingly tall or disgustingly skinny.
Sure she may not have 36-24-36 but at least she is smart enough not to act like she does.
I got nothing against gays, lesbians or obese people.
But I got something against people who say beauty is only there when the girl or guy is hot.
I mean beauty can be in anything.
Even a fat girl can be beautiful.
Hey I'd bet anyone a hundred dollars that if you can give me a proper budget, time allocation and motivation I'd make a fat girl look beautiful?
Anyone up to the challange?
Anyways still on the topic.
Beauty is truely perception and thought.
Sure I may be against those people who are shallow in what beauty is.
But I am not going to force them to change thier opinion.
So yeah
Thats why beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
And to Rainie.
You look beautiful Darling.

--- Ellumic Signing Off ---::

.:Fireport blogged on 9:35 PM:.
...
::haha
Today went to LaLa's house
I was a nice guy today to them
haha
Played PS2
Watched Brothers Grimm
Yeah today rocked
hope sunday will be the same::

.:Fireport blogged on 11:02 PM:.
...
::Sometimes when you want to help someone....
No matter what you do...
You just can't...
I mean sometimes you wanna help someone....
But even if you made a dead man come alive again...
You just can't help that one person...
Thats what I want to do now....
I want to help someone....
But its whether or not the person will trust me....
Sometimes its about trust...
Not just about what you can do....
I've done enough wrong and right to see that...
When will the person trust me?....
I don't know....
All I know...
Is that I trust that person not to betray me and make me sad....
Thats all I can say about today....
Its been a long day....
I have a slightly better one tomorrow....
Cya Folks
---Ellumic Signing Off---::

.:Fireport blogged on 11:06 PM:.
...